Free-Writing and Open Questions: Days 10 &11

11 Nov

(I realized just today that The Daily Prompt and other great NaBloPoMo prompt sites do not offer ideas for Saturday and Sunday because these days are delegated as “free-writing days.” No prompt to push today, so  here’s to mini-updates and sentiments on our waiting-for-Peace-Corps-news life.)

 

As this post is labeled 10 & 11, I clearly fell behind again on posting, but I like to think I have a legitimate excuse,  maybe?

This weekend in our awesome Eau Claire was my dear sister’s bachelorette party. Last night, it was an unseasonably toasty 60° and we roamed downtown like it was the middle of August.

To a non-Wisconsinite, the freedom of bouncing out a door in mid-November without having to bundle up ten layers might seem like it ain’t no thing, but it was pure freedom.  This little heat wave (especially compared to the rain/snow mix and 30°-ish temps of today) made for a stellar evening.

I loved every little celebration we had for my sister throughout the evening, but my favorite moment came late in the night.  After moving like tipsy fools to dance songs I suddenly find myself too old to know, we migrated out to a patio, embracing the chance to kick off absurdly high heels and breathe cool, sweat-free air.

While nothing momentous or life changing happened, it was perfection.

There are these weirdly rare moments in my life where everything seems to fit together in absolute perfection and I am completely, utterly happy.  It is as if everything had been just slightly out of focus and a bit off tune, and in an instant snaps into exact synchronization with my life.  Or perhaps, I find a way to move in sync with everything else.

It happens most at times when I least expect it: walking across the campus bridge after work and hearing hour bells ringing in the distance; washing dishes in my Niagara street apartment and turning to face a completely spotless kitchen; standing outside the theater listening to a thunderstorm; even, strangely enough, watching your sister and her closest friends carousing and laughing too loudly outside a packed and smelly bar.

And then, just like that, the perfect happiness is gone.  I never feel resentful or sad afterwards; really, I barely notice its presence until I am left with it’s unavoidable absence.  I am left feeling neither happier nor lonelier, but life again becomes a challenge, though one  I am always eager to face.

Perhaps that is what keeps me constantly anxious.  Maybe my every-other-moments in life simply carry me along until I can feel that bigger something again, especially as I never know when to expect it.

 

 

And, this is about as far as I’ve thought this through.  Here on open writing weekend, I guess it should be fitting to leave this open-ended, too.  (Or maybe that’s just a pleasant excuse as I’m jazzed to catch up on sleep after sharing a hotel with seven other ladies.)

I’ve never asked for feedback or comments before, but I’m loving all the recent ones – and here might be a great first chance.  Maybe you’ve felt this, too?   Or am I just a total space-case? Because that could easily be plausible, too.  I’d love to hear some ideas.

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2 Responses to “Free-Writing and Open Questions: Days 10 &11”

  1. Brianna November 19, 2012 at 7:52 pm #

    Dude. I totally had one of those strangely perfect bits of time just today. Very simply sitting on the couch, reading a book, just like almost every other moment of my life, but then for some reason I was super affected by the way the sunshine was coming in the window right at me, and BAM! This brief flash of how perfect my life has been and is and will be, total contentment and joy, gone as fast as it had come. Made me have a little giggle-party-of-one. This explanation of how it felt isn’t nearly complicated enough to be accurate, but it’s close enough. Three cheers for our little moments of clarity.

    • livjnelson November 19, 2012 at 8:20 pm #

      YES! i love that – i’m glad this ramble is somewhat relatable!

      i always imagine that here has to be some sort of scientific explanation – like, a release of endorphines triggered by… something? or maybe its beyond science…

      and now i’m just getting too big for my britches, but either way, yay brianna!

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